“Indica, sativa, or chocolate fudge, sir?” “Yes.”
In Search of…High Quality Edibles
Let’s be real; edibles are a mixed bag sometimes. On one hand, there are those mystery brownies that your boy brings to the party. Problem with mystery edibles is that you have no clue what the dosage is. You might get full supernova annihilation high, and realize everyone left and you’ve been talking to the houseplants for two hours. Or maybe nothing happens at all, and you just end up rolling one in frustration. But even when luck and chance do come together, and your brownie somehow has the right dosage, there’s another problem.
Looks good enough to eat. Well, not yet…
Weed Brownies should be Delicious
And this problem, plain and simple, is taste. Brownies are supposed to be delicious. Weed is supposed to get you high. Nothing too radical there. But why do so many weed brownies taste so NOT delicous? A brownie should be rich and chocolately, and buttery enough to melt a little while you eat it. Nothing is worse than chewing a withered, dried-out pot brownie that feels like biting into your dad’s old-ass workboots.
Enter the Chef
‘But I’m no chef, bruh,’ I hear you say. You don’t need to be, son. Your friends at Loud News Net did the work for you. We tracked down author, pastry chef, and edibles entrepreneur Stacy Stapleton to demonstrate a stupid easy pot brownie recipe that anyone (even us) can make. It’s quick, totally uncomplicated, and the results are unbelievably delicious and will get you exactly as high as you wanna be.
Stacy Stapleton, ACF-accredited master chef of THC edibles level 999 (bow down!) in her Colorado home, June 2020
Incredible and Edible, too
Loud News caught up with author, chef, and entrepreneur Stacy Stapleton in her Colorado home. Stapletons passion and knowledge about the art of making a good dessert is very real, having worked for 15 years as a professional pastry chef. She works for a major Colorado cannabis company, and her side hustle, Incredible 420 Edibles, brings these strands together. Cannabis dispensaries are reporting huge profits since the lockdown began. People are at home and making the best of it. Incredible 420 Edibles is cresting the wave of this trend too, reporting a 187% increase in sales in recent weeks.
“The Most Delicious Brownie You Can Put in Your Face”
Stapleton explains the mouth-watering simplicity of the issue at hand. “This is the most delicious brownie you can put in your face. BUT it’s better because it has weed in it, and it’ll get you high.” Now, you might be thinking “I’ve never cooked anything but Kraft macaroni before, dude. Yo, there’s no way I can make weed brownies,” but that’s where you’re wrong. Let me be real with you; if you’ve got a kitchen, you can do this.
“This is my favorite brownie recipe, hands down,” Stapleton explains. “They have a soft texture and a deep cocoa flavor that scratches an itch you didn’t even know you had. It’s also deadly ‘cause you can’t taste the cannabis. Label accordingly!” And Stapleton should know. Besides being accredited by the American Culinary Federation, she is an author as well. Her gourmet edibles cookbook, with recipes for medicinal and recreational purposes, and also vegan and gluten-free options, sports an enviable 4.7 stars on Amazon.
“Full of Jet Fuel, Paris Shatter”
If you’re old, or you’ve been living under a rock, you might have wondered what B-Real and Berner were talking about on “Shatter” back in 2014. Let’s break it down for you. Shatter is a concentrated high-THC wax. If you’re in a legal weed state or country, you can go to the dispensary and ask for shatter, or any number of other concentrates of various textures and potencies. Once you have that magical wax, this recipe goes from easy to STUPID EASY. But, you don’t need to live in “Denver, Colorado,” or “Santa Ana, Orange County” to do this. Even if you live in a less enlightened state, you can still make these easy THC brownies in your sleep.
“You ain’t as high as me, you ain’t as high as B”
Shatter + Butter = The Dairy of Your Dreams
To get started, you’re gonna need 1 gram of shatter or high THC wax (75% or higher). If you can’t get shatter, we got you. You’re gonna make your own weed butter. Here’s how: Put tinfoil down on a baking sheet. Crumble about 7 grams of weed (no seeds or stems) over the baking sheet. Preheat the oven to 240 degrees. When the oven is hot, place the pan inside and cook for 20-30 min, or until the nugs are crispy (not sticky) to the touch. Now, put your lightly roasted weed into a saucepan or slow cooker with 1 pound of unsalted butter. Cook on very low heat for one to three hours. Strain the butter while it’s still warm. If you don’t have a strainer, go to Target or Ikea, son. They cost like 5 bucks. In a pinch you can strain through a clean t-shirt. The point is to get all the bits of plant matter out. THC bonds chemically with fat molecules (that’s why it stays in your system so long, fat ass), so now the cannabinoids are in the butter! You can toss the roasted buds; they have served their purpose.
who dab is that? who dab is that?
“Master Chef, Lord of the Kitchen Cupboard”
Ok, so Jay-Z was talking about cooking something a bit more legally questionable than pot brownies. But the message is the same. This is your kitchen, young Skywalker; own it. First thing to do is dust off your scale. You do have a scale, don’t you? What kind of smoker doesn’t have a scale? Anyway, you can get a little digital scale at just about any store than sells kitchen goods. This will take about an hour. Here’s what else you’re gonna need.
Stacy: “Eat my gourmet weed brownies, man”
The World’s Best THC Brownies
Yield: one 8” X 8” pan, 9 brownies
Dosage: Approximately 31mg THC per brownie
Time: 1 hour
- one large mixing bowl
- three smaller bowls
- medium saucepan
- measuring spoons
- measuring cups
- one 8” x 8” pan
- pan spray
- 6 oz (1 ½ cups) Cannabis Butter
- 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 2 large eggs
- 1 1/4 cups sugar
- 1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
- 1/3 cup full-fat sour cream
- 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/4 tsp salt
Cocoa butter kisses, just like Chance said
Oven: Preheat oven to 350°F. You want that shit to be hot when you put the pan in!
Let’s Get Started
In a saucepan, place one pound unsalted butter (4 sticks), unwrapped. Melt over very low heat. When melted, drop in 1g shatter and whisk until shatter is completely melted and incorporated into the butter. Use your scale and measure out 6 oz butter while still melted into a small bowl. Reserve the remaining 10oz cannabis butter in a glass container for another use (hello morning toast).
Whisk cocoa powder into the 6oz of cannabis butter and set aside.
Line baking pan with aluminum foil, leaving enough over the sides to form a sling so you can easily remove the brownies once baked. Pan spray the inside of the pan.
Crack eggs into a small container and put to one side.
Why You Gotta Be Salty?
Combine flour and salt in small bowl and put to one side.
In a large bowl, place sugar and eggs. Whisk vigorously until eggs lighten in color. Stir in cooled butter/cocoa mixture and vanilla extract. Whisk in sour cream until combined. Using spatula, fold in flour and salt until combined – no dry bits!
Pour into prepared pan and bake @ 350°F for 35-40 minutes, turning pan 180° halfway through baking, or until toothpick inserted in middle of brownie comes out mostly clean.
“Oh this is f___in’ cute to you? I’m just here to amuse you, huh? Back off and let me cook these weed brownies, sucka”
Cool Down, Son
Let cool completely and then portion. Don’t leave this as one giant brownie Pangea – it is super easy to overdose on this one! If you eat the whole pan, we do not take responsibility for you spending the next week on your sofa, fool.
Note! Be sure to label your treats accordingly and keep out of reach of children under 21. Be an adult, B.
This recipe doubles easily and will make a 9” x 13” pan, 12 brownies at 47mg THC each.
Note: This recipe was formulated using 1g shatter at 75% THC. Your dosage will differ if you use cannabis bud-infused butter vs. shatter and if you increase the portion sizes.
Time to Eat!
See, you did that. Now enjoy your space brownies AND your sense of accomplishment. You can even share with someone, unless you’re the kind of guy who eats a whole pan of weed brownies alone. And if you are, then hey, who are we to judge? Just don’t come over here and try to sleep on our couch.